If you’ve been on the journey to your beloved for some time you may wonder — how important is chemistry between two people for lasting love? If you’ve leveraged everything on chemistry to discover that didn’t solve your issue, it’s time for an entirely new approach to dating and selecting a mate.

It’s not a binary choice between chemistry or someone who treats you well. Both are extremely important, however, in order to choose a beloved life partner a lot more goes into it than these two elements.

For example, if you were to create a list of ten ingredients that are essential for lasting love, treating you well and chemistry between two people are just two of the ten ingredients. If you place importance on only one or two traits, you’ll likely repeat your negative pattern in love again and again. Long-lasting love doesn’t come from just how you feel about the person, and how hot you are for them.

How important is chemistry between two people?

If you don’t have yeast in the dough, you won’t end up with bread. It won’t ever rise and become a yummy loaf. It won’t someday evolve into bread. All you’ll have is a cracker and that’s just not enough to satisfy you for a lifetime together.

Most people make the mistake of placing too much emphasis on chemistry and don’t look for much more. They leave their choice up to attraction, and if it’s present, they overlook everything else, even big giant red flags.

The most typical method to select a life partner is by paying attention to how you feel about the other person and disregarding everything else. Chemistry between two people is one important ingredient, however, it’s not all that’s required for a lasting, loving partnership.

Signs That You’re Putting Too Much Emphasis On Chemistry

It’s common to believe that chemistry between two people is a sign that the relationship is meant to be. However, feelings on their own aren’t a great measure of whether a relationship will last. How do you know if you’re too reliant on chemistry and are ignoring the red flags in your budding relationship?

1. You Lose Yourself When You Meet Someone New

Do your friends complain that you disappear every time you’re in a relationship? Merging quickly and allowing your needs and wants to take a backseat to your partner’s is a clear signal that you’re placing too much emphasis on chemistry.

A healthy relationship is when one whole and complete person comes together with another whole and complete person. Together they create a new entity — the relationship. Instead of relying on the other person to complete or fix you, the two of you complement each other and there’s also a balance of effort between you which keeps the relationship thriving.

2. You Keep Your Relationship A Secret

Are you keeping your relationship a secret from your friends and family? Secret affairs can feel exciting and make you believe you’re on a big romantic adventure, but secret relationships don’t last.

If you aren’t going to take your relationship out of the bedroom and into the world, then you’ve put too much emphasis on the physical connection. It may be fun for a short while, but it’s not satisfying in the long term because the key ingredients of a lasting partnership aren’t present. There’s a lot more to sharing your life with someone than hot sex.

3. Too Much Emphasis On Attraction

If you’ve struggled with short-term relationships that don’t pan out, even though they’ve been hot and heavy, you’re relying too much on attraction. Don’t rush to pause your dating profile and go exclusive. Getting to know a person requires time and there’s no need to hurry. The right person will allow you to set the pace.

The chemistry between two people is like a tick box, it just needs to be present. Then you must invest time to discover if all the other qualities necessary for a relationship to thrive and last are present. You won’t know if you’ve met your ideal match after several dates. Looking for a life partner requires you date like a grownup, and put off physical intimacy until you know more about their character.

4. You’re Addicted To The Feeling Of Falling In Love

Falling in love is a chemical high. Science has proven that when you fall in love your brain is flooded with feel-good chemicals that leave you walking on air. Those chemicals will naturally wear off over time. If you crave these feelings and get bored quickly when the chemicals wear off you could be addicted to falling in love.

You’ll have to learn to work through your differences when the high fades and develop the skills to navigate through the inevitable power struggle. Lasting love is possible when you know how to recreate romance with someone you’ve known for years.

5. You’re Confusing Fear With Excitement

If you have a pattern of choosing unhealthy or toxic partners, you could be confusing the signals your subconscious mind is sending you. Fear and excitement feel the same in the body; your heart races, your palms may get sweaty, and adrenaline rushes through your body.

These feelings of excitement may actually be a warning that you’re entering familiar territory, especially if you were raised in a toxic family environment. Your subconscious sends you the signal saying, “This is familiar! This is familiar,” and you mistake this signal as a soul connection with someone you just met.

You’re confusing a fear response with excitement and attraction, and the only way to break this pattern is by slowing down through the dating process so you can have time to recognize the pattern and go against the familiar dynamic you learned as a child.

6. You’re Wearing Rose Colored Glasses

All the feel-good chemicals flowing through your brain can easily cloud your vision. The hope that you’ve finally met your soulmate can further confuse your sense of reason. Hope is the first thing that comes into your mind when you meet someone you’re attracted to. Maybe this is the one you’ve been looking for!

That hope will also cause you to highlight their positive qualities and gloss over any red flags. Keep the rose-colored glasses off until they’ve earned the benefit of the doubt.

Chemistry And Compatibility Are Not The Same Thing

Be careful overcorrecting when chemistry has steered you wrong. You can’t throw out chemistry altogether just because it’s caused you problems in the past. You’ll end up in a relationship with your best friend and roommate, one that lacks passion and cannot withstand decades together. The chemistry between two people is the glue that keeps lovers sticking together through a lifetime.

Chemistry and compatibility can work together as part of a recipe for lasting love, however, on their own they aren’t enough.

Chemistry comes from a combination of your feelings of attraction and emotional connection with someone. Compatibility is when you have shared interests and ease of communication. Chemistry comes from your energetic differences, like two magnets. Compatibility comes from your similarities.

These elements are essential in a healthy relationship and for love to grow over time. You can’t forego compatibility and expect chemistry to be enough. Your relationship won’t survive if you’re unable to get along. Compatibility without chemistry between two people is a platonic friendship. You’ll feel like a team, but your life will suffer because you lack the desire to work things out when life throws you curveballs.

It’s not possible to settle for a lifetime with someone. Chemistry and attraction are part of the equation of soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.

Dating Is A Selection Process

When you allow chemistry between two people to be your primary driver, you end up dating backward. You go exclusive with a stranger before you know who they are and if they’re capable of meeting your needs. You get stuck in a pattern of short-term relationships that rarely last more than 3-4 months and you end up frustrated and burnt out with dating.

Dating is best when you commit to a rotation of seeing several people and cultivating discernment through the process. Slowing down the dating process, and not rushing to exclusivity and physical intimacy allows you to discover if you’re a match for the long-term.

Most people rush into a commitment and after several months discover the other person isn’t a match for them. This pattern creates dating burnout because these short-lived relationships drain you of hope to find an ideal match.

In the beginning, everyone is on their best behavior so it’s important to wait to discover what they’re capable of when your differences arise. Can you resolve conflicts between you? Has this person earned your trust? Can they offer you an apology and take responsibility for their own behavior and shortcomings?

Getting along at the beginning is easy, but can you find your way back to each other after miscommunication or conflict?

The Ingredients For Lasting Love

There is a skill set for lasting love because ultimately love is a choice. A healthy, thriving relationship includes chemistry between two people, but it’s not the only important ingredient. Lasting love also requires compatible lifestyles, shared values, and healthy communication.

Compatible lifestyles ensure that you’ll want to spend time together. Quality time will be difficult if you don’t enjoy some of the same activities. It’s important to have your own interests and friends, but having compatible lifestyles keeps you connected to each other and makes sharing a life together easy.

Shared values are the why behind your lifestyle choices. Values drive your decisions and influence the choices you make. If your values don’t match, then you’ll be in conflict with your partner. You may have different strategies but shared values give you the ability to get on the same page.

Healthy communication means you can respectfully talk to each other even when you disagree. Kindness and respect give you the ability to talk about anything, even while knowing you don’t have to talk about everything.

Chemistry between two people is the glue that holds it all together. Without it, you’re just friends and roommates. With it, your relationship maintains its spice over the years and you have the energy to commit to sticking it out over the rough patches.

Lasting Love Needs More Than Just Chemistry Between Two People

Romance is great, but not every day will be a romantic adventure. You’ll have bills to pay, kids to raise, and jobs to manage. The mundane grind of day-to-day life can come between you, or it can be enlivened by the right partner.

When you choose well, life doesn’t feel so lonely or burdensome. You’re happier, more capable of handling stress, and likely to live longer.

Your ideal match will get you. You’ll feel supported and understood. You’ll have each other’s back. You can count on each other like you know the sun will rise tomorrow. Finding an ideal match doesn’t magically happen in just a few weeks or months, it begins with curiosity and is nurtured over time.

Have you allowed chemistry be your only guide when selecting a partner? Or maybe you’ve tried committing without attraction and discovered that you need more than just a friend? Ready to break free from the unhealthy patterns you’ve created? Tired of the hope-to-disappointment rollercoaster?

Join us for a complimentary Breakthrough Call. Let’s get to the root cause of your struggles in love so you can break free to your beloved life partner.