Whether you’re fresh out of a relationship or been single for a long time, at some point you’re probably going to ask yourself — am I ready for a relationship?

With no guarantee you’ll find someone, dating again can feel dreadful. Before diving back into the dating game decide to do things differently. First take inventory of where you are currently to make a conscious choice about why and how you’ll get to your goal of lasting love.

Are you ready for a relationship? Evaluating why you want a relationship might be the key to figuring out whether being in one is a good idea. A healthy relationship can greatly enhance your happiness, however, if it’s dysfunctional it can drain your self-esteem, destroy your confidence and rob you of joy.

Am I Ready For A Relationship? 7 Signs You’re Not

Feeling lonely and yearning for a companion doesn’t make you emotionally available for a relationship. Nor does the desire for a partner mean you’ve developed the skills to select an ideal mate or to make love last.

Instead of finding yourself in short-term relationships that don’t pan out, or repeating negative patterns, take time to discover whether you’re ready for a relationship (and gain those essential skills to make it last this time).

Are you ready for a relationship? Here’s how to know if you’re in need of some healing before jumping into the dating pool again.

1. You Have Unrealistic Expectations

Are you expecting someone to change your life for the better overnight? Do you disregard or reject 98% of the people you see online because they don’t meet your specific criteria? Frustrated that you can’t find any quality matches?

These are just a sample of the many signs you have unrealistic expectations about dating that are blocking you from long-lasting love. You won’t find your soulmate in a profile. Setting too high a bar for a potential date is a way of protecting your heart instead of being open to love. Stop guarding your time as an excuse for guarding your heart. At the start of the dating process you’re just looking to meet someone for coffee or a cocktail.

Am I ready for a relationship? No, not when you’re expecting a stranger to swim through an alligator filled moat, break through the castle gate, and find their way through to the high tower you’ve locked yourself in. No one will be in it to win it with you from the start. And if they are, look out because that’s a love-bomb red flag warning.

2. You’re Carrying A Torch For An Ex

If you’re still hung up on the one that got away, or you’re still pining to be moved out of the friend zone, your heart is not available when it’s tied to someone else (even with a tiny thread). In order to move on take time to heal your heart before dating again. You’re not doing yourself (or your dates) any favors by dating to distract yourself from your broken heart.

Am I ready for a relationship? No, not if you’re healing from a breakup or carrying a torch for someone. Your heart must be open in order to date and find a beloved life partner. If someone else is occupying your heart, there isn’t room for someone new.

3. You’re Afraid Of Rejection

If you’re twisting into a pretzel trying to earn love, or you’re just going along to get along through the dating process you’ll never find an ideal match for love to last. To have love you must be able to risk your heart. Fear of rejection blocks you from love because your ability to discern an ideal match is compromised.

Am I ready for a relationship? No, because fear of rejection can set you up to partner with someone who isn’t interested in meeting your needs.

4. You Dislike Dating

Dating is a necessary process to evaluate a potential partner. If you’re opposed to dating you’ll rush into a commitment too quickly and end up repeating your negative patterns. This creates limiting beliefs about love, like “All the good ones are taken,” or “Only scammers and losers are online.”

Rushing to exclusivity with the first acceptable person you meet is a recipe for a short-term relationship and dating burnout. Technology may have changed the way people meet, but it’s still necessary for dating to be a selection process long before committing your heart. Slow down the dating process to speed up meeting your forever person.

Am I ready for a relationship? No, not if you’re unwilling to go through the dating process to evaluate an ideal match.

5. You’re Struggling With Being Alone

When you ache to share your life with someone feeling lonely and alone can cause you to choose a bad match or even worse, a toxic relationship. It’s important to feel whole and complete before partnering up.

Your beloved won’t complete you they will complement you. If your side of the equation is lacking there’s no way to identify a life partner. Having a full life and being okay on your own doesn’t mean you’ll never feel lonely, however chronic loneliness is an internal issue, and won’t be solved by a relationship.

Am I ready for a relationship? No, not if your loneliness keeps you from making a wise selection.

6. You’re Not Good With Boundaries

Boundaries are a key ingredient for a healthy relationship. Love doesn’t mean that you can say or do anything to your partner. It doesn’t mean that your partner can treat you badly and get away with it. Respect comes with a boundary, and learning to love another person respectfully is a crucial skill for healthy love.

Without boundaries, you’re open to manipulation, abuse, and co-dependence. With boundaries, you can take responsibility for your triggers, learn to communicate respectfully, and become a master of your emotions.

Am I ready for a relationship? No, not if you have trouble setting and keeping boundaries.

7. You’re Conflicted About Your Desire For Love

Do you struggle with the fear of losing your independence and also desire a relationship? Are you feeling stuck between choosing either a particular lifestyle or a beloved partner? Do you believe you have to sacrifice something you value to have a partner love and accept you?

When you have an inner conflict that’s tied to a limiting belief about love it feels impossible to create the love you desire. You may even become apathetic about love because you feel stuck and can’t seem to sustain the motivation and effort required to find your person. As long as you’re stuck in this way a relationship will feel elusive.

Am I ready for a relationship? No, not if your inner conflicts are draining your motivation and leaving you feeling cynical about love.

Am I Ready For A Relationship? 7 Signs You’re Ready For Love

If you’ve done the work of healing your heart, released resentments, and transformed your limiting beliefs about love, you are ready for a relationship. Now that you’ve fallen in love with yourself it’s time for you to stop casually dating and get serious about searching for your beloved.

1. You’re Not Looking For Someone To Complete You

A healthy relationship is when one whole and complete person comes together with another whole and complete person, together they form a third entity — the relationship. This doesn’t mean that you’re perfect or you don’t still have places you can grow. It means that you can accept yourself as is, and choose to love someone else warts and all.

Am I ready for a relationship? Yes, you’re ready to share the love you have for yourself with a partner.

2. You’re Not In A Rush To Meet “The One”

You’re comfortable dating and taking your time with no need to rush into exclusivity. You’ve become aware that dating is a process, you can approach it with curiosity. When you finally meet “The One” you’ll have the rest of your life to spend together, so you might as well enjoy the journey.

Slow down the dating process and wait before making a commitment. Make sure to take time for yourself throughout the stages of dating. Patience is the key to choosing a partner who can meet your needs.

Am I ready for a relationship? Yes, you’re ready to embrace slow love.

3. You’ve Worked On Your Communication Skills

You’re able to communicate your feelings and make requests of your partner. You’re speaking your truth and showing up authentically. A healthy relationship is a safe space to have uncomfortable conversations. Being able to talk about anything with your partner means you can grow together rather than apart.

Am I ready for a relationship? Yes, you’ve acquired the skills for emotional mastery and can speak your truth without fear.

4. You’re Open And Curious

Judgment is the biggest block to love. When you find yourself constantly judging potential dates it’ll be difficult to meet someone appropriate. Dating with an open and curious mindset allows you to discover about yourself and your potential partners without judging them. Curiosity is attractive and serves you well throughout the dating process and beyond.

Being open and curious allows you to use dating as a tool to discover more about yourself as well as develop new strategies for giving and receiving love.

Am I ready for a relationship? Yes, you’re ready to use dating as a discovery process about yourself, not to rush into a commitment.

5. You’ve Healed Past Wounds

Heartbreak is a rite of passage that everyone experiences. When you can learn from your disappointments you become more resilient and able to navigate life’s challenges. Healing your heart is the process of growing through the heartbreak.

Grief and disappointment are part of life. Releasing the myth that love will magically happen one day when you least expect it allows you to become resilient in love.

Am I ready for a relationship? Yes, you’re aware that finding a match requires effort, just as keeping love alive through many years together.

6. You’re Clear On What You Want

What you desire in love isn’t the opposite of what you do not want. You can’t create from lack. Becoming clear on the type of relationship you desire is an essential step to creating it. How do you see your ideal relationship functioning? What is the desired dynamic between you? How would you like them to behave when you’re upset?

Connecting with someone who has the same values as you lets you know that person is a candidate for a long-term match. When you know what you want, it makes it easy to identify someone who is on the same page as you.

Am I ready for a relationship? Yes, you have a crystal-clear vision of your ideal relationship.

7. You’re Happy With Yourself And Your Life

When your life is full and you’re not expecting someone else to make you happy is the perfect time to start dating. You’re able to embrace slow love, evaluate your potential partners, speak your truth, and simply enjoy the process of dating. Being happy and comfortable with yourself allows you to show up authentically.

Additionally, happy people are generally more likable and more attractive to potential partners. Take your time and enjoy meeting new people while expanding your social circle on and off the apps. You’re in an ideal place to find lasting love.

If you’re not ready for a relationship but would like to be, purchase our debut book: GETTING IT RIGHT THIS TIME: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love from Penguin Random House. This step-by-step guide will take you on a journey to identify your blocks to love, transform them to develop confidence, and manifest the long-lasting love relationship you desire and deserve.