Wondering about best practices to meet someone for the first time when dating long distance? You’ve been talking on the phone and video chatting for weeks, and part of you wants it to be special when you finally meet in person. Maybe you also have worries concerning your safety or put too much pressure on yourself not to mess it up.

It’s normal to feel pressure when meeting for the first time after you’ve been communicating on the phone, via video, and by text. You likely have a lot of hope and expectation that the first meeting goes well. It’s easy to invest emotionally before you meet IRL. If you’ve been down this road before you don’t want to fool yourself or feel duped by falling for someone you’ve never met.

When Dating Long Distance, Nothing Is Real Until You Meet In Person

You may think you’ve created an emotional connection and spent time imagining what it’s going to be like when you meet someone for the first time. The truth is that everything you’re feeling is a fantasy you’ve created in your mind. No matter how many video chats, phone calls, and text messages you’ve exchanged, you don’t whether you’ll feel chemistry and attraction until you meet in person.

The elements that create attraction — how a person smells, how comfortable you feel with them, the energy of who they are — can only be experienced when you share the same physical space. When you’re planning to meet someone for the first time, it’s important to understand how your mind works.

It’s natural for your mind to fill in the blanks and imagine a connection that doesn’t exist yet, particularly when you’re dating long distance. Your desire for connection and for love to grow, and the hope that you’ve finally met your person can cloud your judgment.

When you plan to meet someone for the first time, take the pressure off by lowering your expectations and becoming curious about yourself as well as your date.

Before coaching with us one of our male clients booked a long trip to London after communicating via Skype with a woman, only to discover as soon as they met for the first time that he wasn’t attracted to her at all (even though they’d been having regular video dates for several months.) He finally understood the importance of keeping his expectations in check.

To avoid disappointment when meeting someone for the first time, shift your mindset and set yourself up for success. Here are some tips for women who date men to feel empowered and get the most out of meeting long distance for the first time.

The 10 Most Important Tips When You Meet Someone For The First Time

1. Have Him Come To You

The best way to know a man’s intentions is to allow him to pursue you when dating long distance. Plenty of guys will allow you to put in all the effort only for you to discover they didn’t want a committed relationship, just something convenient. This may sound old-fashioned although it’s more about laying the foundation for you to discover if he truly wants a relationship with you from the start.

A man who wants a committed relationship with you will pursue you to win your heart. He’ll be willing to travel to you, take things at your pace, and go the extra mile to make you happy.

One of our clients lives in rural Pennsylvania and she was worried that she wouldn’t find any men to date that are geographically nearby. After a month of coaching with us, she had men traveling 2-3 hours to meet her for a first date. You are worth traveling for — don’t shortchange yourself.

2. Keep The First Trip As Short As Possible

When you meet someone for the first time you don’t want to book a week-long vacation only to discover within 5 minutes that you’re not compatible. Set up the first meeting for as short a time as possible. If it goes well then it’ll leave both of you wanting more, which is a good thing.

One of our clients met a man online who traveled from out of town to meet her in the city she lived in. They planned a long weekend together. Despite their imagined connection via Zoom, it quickly became clear that they were not a good match. After struggling to find common ground for a few hours they agreed not to meet up again.

When dating long distance, don’t set yourself up for disappointment by anticipating a first in-person meeting to be a big romantic gesture. Keep your expectations low. Create a more casual setting that allows you to get to know each other. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to plan longer, more romantic trips in the future if everything goes well.

3. Have An Agreement About Physical Intimacy Before You Meet Someone For The First Time

When you meet someone for the first time you don’t want any assumptions about physical intimacy to create an awkward situation.

Sex changes the dynamic in a relationship and can bond you to the person emotionally. If you’re meeting for the first time it’s imperative to communicate what physical intimacy means to you. Does it mean that you’re in an exclusive relationship? Or are you okay with being casual about sex?

Having the uncomfortable conversations before meeting in person for the first time will lessen assumptions and miscommunication.

Dating long distance can create a lot of pressure to move things forward quickly when you are together IRL. Don’t be compelled to do something before you’re ready.

Have some ground rules for whether and when you feel comfortable having sex for the first time. You don’t want to have a romantic dinner with too much alcohol and end up regretting your actions the next day.

A man who wants a relationship with you will be willing to wait. You get to set the pace of the relationship during the dating process. Never abdicate your power by moving forward to physical intimacy before you’re 100% comfortable with it.

4. Have Him Book A Hotel, An Airbnb, Or Stay With A Friend

Never have him stay at your place when you meet someone for the first time. There are simply too many scenarios where things could go wrong. It’s important to have clear boundaries as they foster respect.

It’s not your job to make things easy or convenient for him. He’s a grown man, and he ought to be able to plan a trip for himself. You can certainly offer suggestions and steer him in the right direction but avoid taking control over his itinerary.

Another important reason he should never stay at your place is that you’ll want to have time alone to notice your feelings after you spend time together. This will allow you to gain clarity and discover any insights about the situation that cannot be accomplished if he’s in the next room.

Dating long distance requires you to have clear boundaries and ground rules before you meet in person for the first time.

5. Empower Him To Choose Your Agenda

You may know your hometown, but you don’t want to be playing tour guide when you meet someone for the first time. Let him decide what he’d like to experience and where he wants to take you. Offering him suggestions is okay, but ultimately it ought to be his decision so he can budget accordingly.

It’s also important to clearly communicate how you want to handle who is paying for what. He’s the one asking you out for a date and traveling to see you, so it is his responsibility to pick up the check, but you’re not dating like it’s 1956. Splitting the check may simply be a budgetary concern and a valid one.

Expectations for sharing expenses are different when dating long distance, but don’t let that cause you to go into sacrifice trying to make it easier for him. Clearly communicate your expectations and desires before planning to meet for the first time.

6. Don’t Play The Role Of The Fixer

You’re not responsible for making every moment perfect or easing any discomfort. Show up authentically and relax into your feminine energy. Leave space for awkward pauses and uncomfortable moments.

A man who wants a long-term committed relationship will want to be your hero. If you continue to rescue him when the situation gets bumpy, you’ll never know if he will step up to fill those shoes. Plus, you’ll get a clearer picture of who he is when you leave the space for him to do all the DOING and you just simply respond.

Even if you feel uncomfortable resist the urge to make things better. Imagine that he is the comedian on stage and you’re in the audience. Taking this approach, you’ll never again have to ask a man three months into dating, “Where is this going?” He will have shown you by his actions what his intentions are, especially when you’re dating long distance.

7. Don’t Make Excuses For Him Or His Behavior

Talking on the phone or over video chat doesn’t provide insight into who he really is. Being with him out in the world and seeing how he interacts with valets, waiters, or other service people will reveal more.

If his behavior towards you or anyone else is troubling to you, don’t make excuses for bad behavior. If you have concerns then speak up and share how you feel. Take note of behaviors that could be part of a bigger pattern that may concern you.

When you meet someone for the first time the desire for it to be magical and romantic can cloud your judgment. It’s okay to be nervous and to want things to go well. Take off your rose-colored glasses and see him for who he is, not who you want him to be.

8. Practice Being Present And Not Futurizing

Just because you’ve invested time getting to know him virtually doesn’t mean that there’s a future for this relationship yet. Get present to what is happening right now, not what may happen in the future. Beware of dressing him up in groom’s clothing and instead focus on the present situation and continue to meet and date other people.

Getting to know another person when dating long distance takes time so don’t rush the process. Practice staying present in each moment. Notice when you’re filling in the blanks or checking off boxes. Let go of any agenda and you’ll have a much better time. Relax, enjoy discovering who he is, and know you’ll be okay no matter what happens.

9. Stick To Your Plan

What if everything goes perfectly and the two of you really hit it off? Does that mean that he should extend his stay so the two of you can take things even further?

Resist the urge to change the plan because things are going well. If he really wants a relationship with you then there’ll be plenty of time to take your relationship further.

Leaving him wanting more at the end of his visit is exactly how you want him to depart. Express gratitude for the time you’ve shared and let him know you’re open to seeing him again.

When you meet someone for the first time the desire for it to feel special should not get in the way of taking things slowly. It takes time to know who someone really is. By taking things slowly you allow the space for emotional intimacy to blossom.

10. Practice Non-Attachment

A good man is not a unicorn, nor is this guy. Just because you have a great connection on video chat or the phone doesn’t mean that he’s the right man for you. Release the pressure of needing him to be “The One!” Whatever happens when he visits, know that you’re on your way to your beloved.

Put aside your expectations and allow yourself to show up authentically by speaking how you feel. By practicing these tips, you can get to know each other and discover if there is chemistry without putting too much pressure on the first visit.

If things go well, you can plan a longer, romantic trip the next time. And if they don’t go well, at least you didn’t waste a whole weekend trying to have a good time with a stranger you’ll never see again.

When dating long distance, never put your lovability in the hands of a stranger. Stay in your power by being clear on your boundaries and enforcing them while remaining cautiously optimistic.

When you meet someone for the first time after getting to know them virtually, you’ll want to feel confident about your ability to judge whether they are a match for you or not. If you keep giving your heart to someone who breaks it, or you’re tired of struggling to find someone to date, we can help! Join us for a complimentary Breakthrough Call and we’ll give you a custom plan for creating the love you want.