Does love equal sacrifice? Are you stuck in a dilemma of believing you must sacrifice for a relationship to last? Is this a healthy dynamic for a lasting, loving partnership?

The problem with the idea that love equals sacrifice is that it’s presented as if it’s akin to sainthood, but it’s not very practical or fulfilling. This common misconception about love — that you should satisfy your partner’s needs, and that somehow you’ll get your own needs met in the process — leads people to become bitter and cynical about love and relationships.

Does love equal sacrifice in other relationships? There are some relationships where sacrifice is part of the equation, like a parent with their child. Every good parent will make sacrifices for their children, however a romantic partnership between two consenting adults doesn’t require that you sacrifice your needs.

Sacrifice For A Relationship Is A Recipe for Toxicity

When you sacrifice for the relationship it’s unbalanced and can become toxic. Your partner gets their needs met while you’re running on empty. Allowing your partner’s desires to take precedence over yours fosters anger and resentment.

Believing that putting your partner first brings you closer together is a myth. It’ll only create distance between you. Your anger and resentment will grow until you cannot contain it, you’ll feel taken advantage of, and you can end up feeling unworthy of love.

The habit of going into sacrifice can be so ingrained that you won’t even be aware of your own desires because you’re too busy trying to make everyone else in your life happy. Does love equal sacrifice even if everyone else is happy? No relationship can survive when one of you is starving and the other one is satiated.

Being unclear of your wants and needs leaves you feeling like a little cork bouncing around on the ocean of life. Going into sacrifice will doom the relationship and you’ll end up believing that romantic relationships just aren’t meant to be for you.

Going into sacrifice for a relationship leaves you defenseless, like prey, to selfish and narcissistic partners. You may think you’re a magnet for these types of toxic relationships, but it’s the strategy of trying to earn love from someone unable to give it that has you stuck in this pattern.

No person can make you happy or feel loveable. Every person is in charge of their own happiness. A healthy relationship is a give-and-take between two people.  When you’re no longer in the habit of going into sacrifice in relationship, you can come together with a healthy partner. You’ll both be interested in satisfying each other’s needs and wants so that love and happiness can grow between you.

Does Love Equal Sacrifice? Only When Your Needs Are Also Met

When you swallow your feelings and put aside your wants and needs you’re going into sacrifice for a relationship. Abandoning yourself and hoping your partner fills the void by taking care of you leaves the door open for you to feel invisible in love.

The strategy of going into sacrifice for love has probably been in place since you were a child. Does love equal sacrifice when it was a learned behavior as a child? Breaking this habit of setting your needs aside attempting to earn love from someone else takes effort on your part and leads to building your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Start by exercising your “No.” When asked to do something for someone else get in the habit of responding with, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” Don’t commit until you’ve thought about it for a few days (at the very least).

If you have a habit of going into sacrifice for a relationship, speaking how you feel and asking for what you want will feel uncomfortable, so you must practice even before you’re in a relationship. Begin with friends and family that you’re close with and take a risk by expressing your desires.

There’s a learning curve to communicating your needs and wants, so be kind and compassionate with yourself as you find your voice and speak your truth. Perfection is not required, instead make an effort to break the bad habit of sacrificing for love, approval, or acceptance. Your goal is progress, not perfection.

You won’t suddenly become a different person, so don’t worry too much about going too far. Selfish people don’t worry about a balance of give-and-take, we’re not asking you to never consider someone else, we’re asking that you be conscious of always being the one to acquiesce.

Does Love Equal Sacrifice? 11 Things You Should NEVER Sacrifice For A Relationship

1. Your Needs

There are the things you want from a relationship and then there are things you need. Knowing the difference is essential because you can’t sacrifice your needs and be happy. You may want to be with someone who shares all of your hobbies, but that shouldn’t be a deal breaker. However, if you need someone to regularly share their feelings for you, that’s something you can’t sacrifice for a relationship.

2. Your Personal Boundaries

When you sacrifice your personal boundaries, you give your partner control over how you feel. You put your lovability into someone else’s hands. All relationships require boundaries. Love doesn’t mean that your partner can say or do anything to you. Respect comes with a boundary and learning to love another person respectfully makes sure you don’t go into sacrifice for a relationship and devalue yourself.

3. Your Feelings

Your feelings are always appropriate — there should never be a debate about them. Setting your feelings aside because you’re afraid to upset your partner, or allowing your partner to dismiss your feelings, or feeling responsible for your partner’s behavior or mood are all ways you sacrifice for a relationship. You have to believe that you are worthy of taking the uncomfortable steps to speak up. Own your feelings, express them, and let the chips fall where they may. The right person for you will want to know how you feel (and they’ll want you to be happy).

4. Your Need For Emotional Connection

Emotional connection is the lifeblood of a relationship, it’s the fuel that keeps the two of you connected. In order to feel emotionally connected to someone else you must be in the same physical space with them. It’s impossible if your partner never shares their feelings with you. In a healthy relationship both people regularly make time for emotional connection.

5. Your Personal Freedom

Your autonomy must be respected by your partner for love to thrive. You have the freedom to have your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions (that may be different from your partner’s), and to pursue your passions. No one should expect you to relinquish your personal freedom as that is a form of sacrifice in a relationship. Mutual respect for one another’s differences is a requirement for a healthy relationship.

6. Your Self-Respect

Having self-respect means you don’t sacrifice your values or integrity for your partner. You lose your self-respect when you tolerate people who don’t treat you well, apologize for something when you’ve done nothing wrong, and agree to help others at your own expense. You teach people how to treat you from the moment you meet, so never put up with a disrespectful person.

7. Your Self-Care

Love doesn’t require you to sacrifice your well-being for your partner. Self-care must be a priority for you whether or not you are partnered or single. Creating rituals that make your self-care a habit is a good strategy for never giving too much of yourself when you’re in a relationship. No person who truly loves you would expect you to neglect your own needs to serve theirs.

8. Your Happiness

What’s the point of being in a relationship that doesn’t add to your happiness? Or worse, requires you to sacrifice your happiness? Certainly, you’ll face challenges when you’re partnered, however, the good times must outweigh the bad. If your partner consistently inspires you to feel bad about yourself and your happiness is compromised by being in the relationship, then this is a toxic partnership. An ideal partner increases your joy on a regular basis.

9. Your Friends And Family

A partner who requires all of your time and puts the relationship you have with friends and family in jeopardy doesn’t have your best interests at heart. You get to decide the role your friends and family play in your life, and your partner should be supportive of your choices. If they’re not, then you probably don’t share the same values and you’ll find yourself in constant conflict and strife. Ultimately, you are your own authority.

10. Your Differences

No one should expect you to merge your identity with theirs and let go of your individuality. It’s your differences that brought you together and it’s your differences that keep the spark of chemistry and attraction alive. Whether you have different hobbies, spiritual beliefs, tastes in music, or dietary needs, embrace and respect your differences and your relationship will thrive.

11. Your Dreams And Goals

Your partner should be your biggest supporter, cheering you on and celebrating your wins. Anyone who asks you to give up your dreams is asking you to sacrifice your goals for theirs. In a healthy relationship, you support each other and work together to create something bigger than the two of you. This way your love continues to grow deeper.

Changing your habit of sacrificing for a relationship requires that you to put yourself first. You’ll be creating a new habit and that’ll take some trial and error. Be kind and compassionate with yourself as you begin this journey.

Ultimately, the love you seek is not out in the world; it’s inside of you. By creating a new relationship with yourself, one that is based on love and self-acceptance, you won’t be tempted to abandon yourself in relationship because you know that the love you seek can never be lost.

Expecting that someone would show up in your life and treat you any differently than how you treat yourself is out of integrity as well as unrealistic. By creating a new relationship with yourself and getting in rapport with yourself you’ll be able to make new choices and develop new strategies in relationship and never go into sacrifice for a relationship again.

If you’re tired of feeling angry and resentful in your relationships or you’re looking for a new way to create healthy loving relationship preorder our debut book: GETTING IT RIGHT THIS TIME: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love. Order the hardcover edition from Barnes & Noble, email us the receipt and you’ll be enrolled in our virtual book club FOR NO ADDITIONAL COST, plus three LIVE masterclasses in the New Year. We’ll discuss the concepts presented in the book and answer all your questions.