Can’t stop thinking about your ex? Obsessing over what went wrong and unable to focus at work? Driving your friends nuts because you keep going over the details to find out what went wrong? If you’re having trouble sleeping because you can’t stop replaying your arguments over and over again you can learn how to stop thinking of your ex and move on with your life by implementing a few brain hacks and some self-care.

Breakups are painful and the added frustration when you can’t stop thinking about your ex will stress you out. All the time and energy spent worrying over what went wrong can impede your ability to focus on anything else.

Don’t despair, there’s a way out of this pain. You don’t have to feel heartbroken forever. A greater and more fulfilling relationship is waiting for you on the other side of this healing journey. If you want to know how to stop thinking of your ex continue reading…

What Do You Do When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex? Follow These Steps To Stop Obsessing And Discover How To Love Again.

1. Cut Out The Source Of Your Pain

The urge to track your ex on social media or to drive by their place can become obsessive. This habit is exacerbated if they’re reaching out to see how you’re doing or rehash the situation. It feels impossible to not respond.

This is keeping your wounded heart from healing; unable to focus on anything else. Your sleep, your work, and your physical and mental health begin to suffer.

When you can’t stop thinking about your ex, start by cutting off all contact. If you share children, keep it about logistics and leave your emotions out of it. Block them on all social media. Their feed will be hidden so you don’t inadvertently see what they’re up to and it’ll deter the urge to go looking for their posts.

2. Set Boundaries So You Have Guardrails For Communication

Set a boundary by telling your ex to cease all contact with you for a minimum of thirty days. If they don’t honor your request, do not answer their call in the moment or immediately respond to a text. Let them leave a message so you can decide what to do. You can check your messages when convenient and take a few moments to make a plan and be mindful about how to handle it.

Change their name in your phone to “Do Not Answer.” You’ll always follow directions from yourself. It’s more effective than deleting their contact. Add their name to the company spot or put their name in the notes section. This way you’ll know who called whether or not they left a message.

Don’t drive by their place, read over past text exchanges, or relitigate your disagreements in your mind. Your heart is like an open wound and each time you look back it keeps that wound fresh not allowing your heart to heal.

How to stop thinking of your ex? Take the most difficult step by cutting off all contact to end the source of your pain. Time will allow your heart to recover and each day with zero contact brings you closer to peace of mind.

3. Get Clear On Why You’re Obsessing

One of the biggest myths about romantic love is that there’s only one person for you. Going through a breakup you may feel like you failed. You may even believe that lasting love isn’t meant to be for you.

The attachment that you have to your ex isn’t actually about them. It’s an attachment to a feeling that you believe only they’re capable of giving you. Your fixation with them is an obsession to get that feeling back — this is an impossible task.

You can’t stop thinking about your ex because on some level you believe that you won’t ever feel this way with another person. You see them as the source of love, but your feelings about your ex have nothing to do with them. You don’t get love from another person. The truth is that the love you seek is already inside of you.

Your ex is not a unicorn. They aren’t the only person you can be happy with. They’re not the only person that will choose you. If you’re stuck in a pattern of wanting to win them back, this is the key to breaking a toxic pattern inside of you. If wanting what you can’t have is familiar to you then there’s more inner work for you to do.

Your goal is to ensure that the longing no longer draws you in. We call this a love imprint match. And healing this core wound will change how you select a partner moving forward.

How to stop thinking of your ex? Shower yourself with love and compassion. Increase your self-care and set boundaries for your grieving. Set aside time to feel your feelings and work through your hurt and sadness.

4. Stop Blaming Yourself

Part of your obsession with your ex is a belief that you did something wrong to push them away. Maybe you weren’t capable of meeting their needs. Maybe you said or did something that created a wedge between you. Maybe they left you for someone else and you find yourself constantly wondering why they prefer this new person over you.

You can’t stop thinking about your ex because you’re stuck blaming yourself for what went wrong. All these thoughts aren’t useful and keep you stuck on trying to win them back, attempting to prove to them that you’re the right person for them.

Your soulmate will love you regardless of conflicts that arise, no matter what you say or do. Their commitment to the relationship means they’ll work through problems with you. A long-lasting relationship is with someone who puts in the work to get past your differences and conflicts to create a stronger bond.

You can’t say or do the wrong thing with the right person. If they were your person, your beloved, your soulmate, (whatever you call it), they would stick it out with you. They would take responsibility for the dance you’ve been doing together. They won’t expect you to be perfect and they will have compassion for your mistakes.

Just because you’re not perfect doesn’t mean that you don’t get lasting love. In fact, it’s your imperfections that the right person will fall in love with. They are the things that make you uniquely you.

How to stop thinking of your ex? Forgive yourself for any mistakes you’ve made and know that the right person is willing to work through your conflicts to form a deeper connection.

5. Let Go Of The Hope They Will Come Back

Hoping your ex will change their mind and come back to you will suck all your time away. This hope is the last piece keeping your heart longing for reconciliation.

You must kill the hope they’ll return in order to heal your broken heart.

It may seem harsh, but killing the hope is what must be done when you can’t stop thinking about your ex. Hope is the first thing that enters a relationship and it’s the last thing to leave. If you’ve made best efforts that’s all you can ask of yourself.

Holding onto hope keeps you stuck, and as long as you hold onto it your heart won’t be free to love again.

How do you stop thinking of your ex? Let go of any remaining hope of reconciliation and allow yourself to grieve the loss.

To embrace healing, choose to feel all your feelings, the sadness, the hurt, the anger, and maybe even the guilt about what happened. It may seem like these feelings will never cease, but the truth is all your feelings are temporary.

Have you ever felt happy and thought that it would last forever? Have you felt this way about joy or bliss? You understand that these positive feelings are temporary and just enjoy them while they’re present.

However, with your pain, you get stuck believing it’ll never end. When you allow yourself to feel your feelings, you allow your feelings to flow through you and to be replaced by something else.

Like ocean waves crashing to the shore, your emotions wash over you and then recede only to be replaced by another emotion.

Schedule time to feel the loss. Let your grief flow through you. Eventually, optimistic and positive feelings will find their way into your days.

6. Discover The Key To Creating Something Even Better

Even though the relationship didn’t work out, your ex showed up in your life for a reason. When you can’t stop thinking about your ex look for The Golden Nugget of learning. This is the reason they showed up and what they came to teach you.

You can imagine that life is like a game that’s constantly challenging you to become a better version of yourself. People show up in your life to reveal where you can still grow. Painful experiences offer some of the best opportunities for growth if you allow yourself to evolve through them.

Journal about what you learned about yourself and about romantic relationships from your ex. Some people teach you in the light by being a positive influence on you. Others teach you in the dark by challenging you to no longer accept the unacceptable.

You know you’ve found The Golden Nugget when you feel grateful for the relationship because of what it taught you about yourself and pointed you in a new direction course-correcting so you can grow toward your beloved.

This attitude of gratitude allows you to release any attachments to your ex. Now that you’ve gained the learning you don’t need or want them in your life anymore!

How do you stop thinking of your ex? Become a better version of yourself by finding the gratitude from your relationships that didn’t work out. The new and improved version of you will take better care of yourself and have more confidence too.

7. Get Clear On What You Really Want

Most people date backwards and let their feelings guide them. They meet a stranger who triggers feelings of attraction and excitement, and they believe they’ve met their soulmate. Don’t put your lovability in the hands of a stranger!

Instead, create your ideal relationship by crafting your unique vision of your soulmate relationship. Bring your vision into crystal clear focus.

This isn’t about the details of the person – discard the idea of who they are – instead embrace the vision of how they make you feel about yourself, and how you relate to one another. You can even include how you move through conflict together.

Instead of getting attached to a stranger who triggers all the good feelings, craft the vision of the relationship first and then see which dates are a match to your true desires.

When you can’t stop thinking about your ex, you’re still stuck in the pain of a broken heart. The truth is that when your heart breaks, it breaks open to hold even more love.

Healing a broken heart can be messy and it’s perfectly okay to hop and skip around with good days and bad days. On the bad days don’t deny your pain — your feelings are appropriate. Be patient and loving with yourself because healing isn’t a straight trajectory.

When you finally accept that your ex isn’t the source of love and that you hold that within yourself, then you’re ready to create the soul-satisfying, long-lasting love you desire.

Would you like support on the journey of healing your broken heart? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. This private time will allow us to get to know you so we can share specifics on how to mend your heart and move on to your soulmate.