Dating can be a frustrating, confusing mess. With the many options to meet new people most are losing faith that they can find someone to love. If you aren’t clear on how to date for long-lasting love, then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

If you’re treating your love life like the lottery, maybe you’ll get lucky and stumble onto your soulmate. Unfortunately, luck is not a plan and lasting love requires you to take dating seriously. There’s nothing wrong with casual dating, however, if you want to find your beloved then learning how to date with purpose is imperative.

If a cynic is just a disappointed romantic you’ll need to manage your mindset so you believe in love again. Knowing your goal through the dating process lets you focus on how to date when you’re serious about love versus casual dating. Building your resiliency in love allows you to feel positive throughout your journey.

Too many people use the same wait-and-see approach no matter their goals or desire for a serious relationship. If you want to create a life alongside your beloved, raise children, and cherish each other for a lifetime then how you date must be in alignment with your objectives.

Let’s look at some of the differences between casually dating and having fun versus looking for a beloved partnership. It’s essential that you adjust your dating strategies when you’re ready to meet your soulmate and create a life together.

How To Date When You’re Serious About Finding Your Beloved

1. Take An Inventory Of Where You Are Today

It’s easy to blame your dating struggles on your age, where you live, or that you can’t trust dating apps to protect you from scammers, but the truth is a dating app is only a tool for meeting new people. The tool itself is neither good nor bad. How you use the tool, and the results you get from it are in your hands. If you want to know how to date successfully, then evaluating your current dating strategies is the first step.

Whether you know it or not, you have been fighting for love on your terms, and yet you probably have no idea what your terms are. You likely never sat down and took a good look at your usual dating strategies or decided to upgrade them.

If you’re ready to get serious about finding your soulmate, then start by taking an inventory of where you currently stand. Have you been expecting that an ideal match would just show up one day and it would magically work out? Did you rush through creating your profile thinking no one pays attention to it? Do you give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger blinding you to potential red flags?

Look at your attitude, your limiting beliefs about love and dating, and your behavior on your dates. Give yourself an honest evaluation noting both your strengths and weaknesses. Pick one or two areas that need improvement and commit to taking a new approach.

2. Slow Down The Dating Process

If you want to know how to date for lasting love slow down the dating process. Do you leap into exclusivity the moment you meet someone that you’re hot for and get excited about the possibilities? You’ll end up rushing into a commitment before you know who they are. Don’t give a stranger the benefit of the doubt. Take your time and discover who they are before you commit your heart.

Attraction alone is not enough for love to last. It’s only one part of a bigger equation that makes a happy, healthy, and harmonious relationship over time. Lasting love requires attraction, compatible lifestyles, shared values, and good communication. Without these four pillars, you’ll end up with a wobbly relationship that can collapse under the weight of the challenges life throws your way.

When you slow down, you can evaluate whether your date can meet your needs. The excitement of attraction can blind your vision and cause you to excuse bad behavior or justify your date’s inadequacies. Quickly committing to exclusivity and having sex with a virtual stranger creates an emotional connection that blurs your ability to see them clearly.

There’s nothing wrong with casual sex, but if you want lasting love delaying sex and exclusivity allows you to evaluate your date to see if you’re compatible.

Slowing things down by postponing physical intimacy and exclusivity so you can gather more information about who they are and what they value puts you in a position to make better choices. Slowing down the dating process helps you avoid short-term relationships that don’t go anywhere and speeds up finding your beloved. It may seem counter-intuitive; however, taking your time at the start helps you weed through the time wasters and avoid dating burnout.

3. Date More Than One Person At A Time

Since you’re no longer rushing to exclusivity you can learn a lot more about yourself and a potential partner by dating more than one person at a time. It also opens up the possibility of dating more types of people rather than sticking only to ones you find attractive.

Attraction is not a requirement for a date. It’s necessary for a long-term committed relationship, so you can set aside the fear of settling for a sexless marriage. Don’t place your bet on chemistry alone; instead, commit to discovering about yourself through the dating process.

Dating more than one person at a time allows you to practice showing up authentically whether you’re attracted to your date or not. You’ll also be able to track your patterns and course-correct so you don’t continue to make the same mistakes and up-level your dating skills. You become better at finding an ideal partner instead of just a short-term hookup.

When you juxtapose the experience of being on a date with someone you’re hot for, versus someone you’re just lukewarm about, it highlights where you can improve on your selection process.

Do you lose yourself and sacrifice your needs and wants when you feel intense attraction? Do you find yourself twisting into a pretzel to get them to like you? Losing yourself and your authenticity will break your heart in the long run.

Noticing the difference in your internal dialog and your behavior when you’re hot for them versus when you’re not allows you to avoid the relationship dynamics that have never worked out for you thus far.

Finding an IDEAL partner is the goal; you only find that out over time. Taking this time upfront instead of being on a dating hamster wheel saves you a lot of time in the long run.

4. Speak How You Feel And Make Requests

Do you secretly hope that the right person will magically know what you want and need so you won’t have to tell them? Have you met that extraordinary person who gets you and can read your thoughts?

This unrealistic expectation is wreaking havoc on your love life because no one can read your mind, intuit your feelings, or know what you need and want.

The foundation of soul-satisfying, long-lasting love is communication, and it begins from the moment you start having any kind of dialog whether it’s in person or over text.

Discovering how to date successfully for lasting love means that you can be authentic by speaking how you feel and making requests.

There isn’t some magical unicorn of a person who gets you and always knows how to make you happy. Releasing this fantasy is one of the best things you can do to avoid wasting your time with the wrong person. Learning to express yourself and take responsibility for your own emotional life is an invaluable skill in your intimate relationship.

Speaking how you feel, sharing your dreams and goals, and making requests allows you to discover whether your date is a good match for you. Waiting for someone to just “get you” without you having to speak up is a recipe for disaster.

When you become a master of communication (even when your emotions are heated) you’ll have the key to creating a lasting loving connection with your ideal match for life.

5. Don’t Iron Out Conflict

No long-term relationship is without conflict or disagreements. Wouldn’t you want to know if you can navigate conflict together before you invest your heart and a few years?

Too many people think being easygoing and ignoring possible issues early in the dating process will make them more likable. Don’t be confrontational or disagreeable, but also do not iron out conflict when there is something important at stake or you’re not getting something you need.

You’ll discover so much about your date and their ability to communicate when there’s an issue between you. Also, conflict can be a doorway to a deeper connection because navigating conflict together is the key to sharing a life together.

When you’re authentic through the dating process you’ll never doubt whether you should stay or go because it’ll be obvious to you.

Learning how to date someone while addressing the conflicts between you allows you to discover your ability to weather the storms of life together. You’ll also get clear if you should jump ship and move on to find a better match.

6. Discover If You Have Shared Values

The biggest arguments in marriages are about sex, money, and children. Irreconcilable differences are a leading cause of divorce. Knowing that you’re on the same page with what’s really important goes a long way toward making your relationship last.

If you want to know how to date for lasting love, then you need to know that you share similar values before you make a lifelong commitment.

You’ll likely have differing strategies for coping with life’s challenges. If you share the same values you can work through those differences. If you don’t, then those conflicting strategies can tear you apart.

So how do you discover what your date values? You pay attention to where they spend their time, energy, and resources. They can say they value family, but if they aren’t introducing you to their family or learning about yours, then there’s an incongruity you can’t ignore.

Take time through the dating process to observe what your date values. Share the bigger vision of what you desire in a relationship. Be open to the fact that you may have conflicting strategies.

Lasting love with your beloved doesn’t just happen when you least expect it. Learning how to date with intention and effective strategies helps you achieve your goal of finding an ideal match. Love may feel magical and happy couples may appear lucky to have found each other, but luck and magic aren’t a plan for getting what you desire.

Curious to find out if you have been making major mistakes in your dating strategies? Discouraged with your results trying to get dates or to find any kind of connection? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. We’ll help you discover what’s been in your way and give you a plan for creating the long-lasting love you want.