Tired of having to ask a guy, “Where is this going?” Or maybe you’re frustrated with women who expect you to read their minds? Frustration with the opposite sex and how they approach dating is fueling online dating discourse. Traditional ideas of masculine and feminine energy are competing with a desire for the sexes to be treated more equally. It doesn’t have to be this way.

A perceived battle of the sexes and contemporary ideas of equality are at the root of the confusion. Women should continue to strive for equality in the workforce, however, equal pay and opportunity don’t translate to the energetic dance of romance.

Being equal doesn’t mean being the same or behaving similarly. Masculine and feminine energy are not divided by gender. Knowledge of how these energetics work can help you find long-lasting love.

Common misunderstanding of the opposite sex fuels the belief that men and women just don’t understand each other’s needs. Knowing how masculine and feminine energy complement each other can help break through the noise and set you on the right path to finding your One.

Opposites Attract — Masculine And Feminine Energy

An intimate, romantic relationship has a unique natural dynamic. While romantic relationships have similarities to friendships, partnerships, and allies, their energetics are distinctive in that sexual attraction and chemistry are necessary. For example, two ballroom dancers are equal but don’t use the same steps to create a beautiful dance.

Similar interests and backgrounds can help create a sense of comfort with a person but don’t help determine whether the relationship can last. Having similar interests (or similar temperaments) is a recipe for a platonic friendship; the lack of polarity limits attraction and sexual desire.

Just as with magnets, a North and South pole are drawn to each other, while the same energies repel and are not magnetic. Your romantic partner is more than a roommate, a best friend, someone who shares the domestic duties with you and helps raise the kids. This energetic dance of opposites, and the give and take between them, provides you with the secret for keeping attraction alive for a lifetime. It’s chemistry and the desire for physical intimacy that puts gas in the tank of the relationship.

The energetic dance of polarity allows you to feel comfortable in your own skin and create harmony in your love life because you expect differences between you and your partner. Rather than seeking a partner who’s like you, you learn to respect and appreciate the differences between you.

Built into species survival, it’s two different people with diverse strengths and weaknesses that leverage the ability of a couple to procreate and survive while safeguarding the family unit.

What Are Masculine And Feminine Energy?

Turning a blind eye to the natural energetics of relationship, you’ll feel frustrated, misunderstood, and struggle to find a life partner. Traditionally these energetics have been labeled as masculine and feminine energy, but these labels are confusing. They’re not confined to gender, instead these energetics are born from preferences and behavior.

Masculine energy has been understood to be male and feminine energy has been understood to be female, when in truth, every person has both masculine and feminine energy. This distinction and gendered language is fraught with misunderstandings and questionable assumptions about gender and relationship roles.

We’ve chosen new labels for these naturally opposing energies as Leaders and Responders. An entire chapter in our book is dedicated to this energetic dance. These labels provide a more accurate description of how each energy approaches dating and relationship and isn’t confined to gender identity or sexual preference.

If you’re using strategies of your inauthentic type dating will be incredibly frustrating and you’ll quickly suffer from dating burnout. Identifying your energetic preference and using the strategies of your genuine type makes dating effective and makes it easy to identify an ideal life partner.

The Leader — Formerly Masculine Energy

Leader energy is analytical, assertive, single-focused, and action-oriented. It’s concerned more with doing than with being. You’re likely utilizing leader energy when you’re at work and accomplishing goals. Leader energy moves with purpose, it’s competitive, logical, and willing to take risks.

For leaders to function and flourish they need to feel acknowledged, appreciated, admired, and needed. Leader energy dislikes being controlled or criticized. Put two leaders together and there’s a natural competition that’s born. In the positive they hold each other accountable and strive to improve each other through challenges. In the negative, leader energy can be intent on winning, domination, and control.

The Responder — Formerly Feminine Energy

Responder energy is inclusive, reflective, sensual, emotional, and reciprocal. It’s great for creating connection and gathering information. Responder energy is intuitive, creative and connected to flow. It’s centered on being, as opposed to doing; there’s space for allowing rather than a focus on goals and achievement.

Responders need to feel seen and protected; they require understanding, attention, and most of all, must feel safe. Put two responders together and there’s a natural reciprocation and connection. In the positive, responders create harmony and community. In the negative, they are indecisive, submissive, and lack responsibility.

Are You Dating From The Wrong Energy?

Are you a leader masquerading as a responder, waiting for the other person to reveal their desires before you make a move? Or are you a responder who’s showing off, trying to impress the person across from you, and wondering why they disappear after a couple of dates? Using dating strategies that aren’t in alignment with your relationship goals is confusing to your date and won’t attract the kind of mate you desire.

A leader who doesn’t move the relationship forward is simply not available, or ready, for a committed relationship. This person just wants companionship, a convenient relationship — a friends with benefits situation. These people often show up as leaders at the start, but then quickly retreat and let the responder drive the relationship.

A responder who is competitive, or who shows off, doesn’t leave space for their date to attend to them. The people they date often disappear quickly, or they end up in short-term relationships that don’t pan out. Sadly, these responders who masquerade as leaders become apathetic about romance because they waste time waiting for someone to reciprocate and step up for them.

Responders who lead at the start of the dating process expect the energetic dynamics will change after three to six months. They find leading full-time exhausting and it makes them anxious. They are averse to taking risks with their heart.

Leaders who don’t initiate or let their intentions be known come across as passive and frustrate responders because they never move the relationship forward creating insecurity and anxiety rather than emotional connection.

To break the pattern and reclaim the dance of masculine and feminine energy, create new strategies to date the way you want to mate.

Embracing Responder Energy

Embrace the energy of the responder by being in touch with your emotions and sensory experience. You can create a ritual to awaken responder energy inside of you. Listen to music that relaxes you, put on perfume or cologne, light a scented candle, or dress up in an outfit that makes you feel sexy.

Connecting to your creativity gets you out of your analytical, logical mind and into the flow. Spend some time writing poetry or song lyrics, sing along to your favorite song, or get your coloring pencils or paints out. Embrace your creative energy — no overthinking is required.

Practice receptivity by accepting a compliment without offering one back, or welcome offers of help and support instead of showing off how capable you are. Accepting help isn’t weak or needy, it allows others to show up for you and take care of you.

Make yourself a priority by filling your own cup first. Sacrifice and self-abandonment are negative aspects of the responder. Taking care of your needs is not selfish or uncaring, rather it allows you to have the resources to do things for people you love without being resentful. Self-care can be as simple as self-reflection, journaling, yoga, a warm bubble bath, or whatever you do to refresh and refuel.

The role of the responder is to flirt, let the leader know the water is warm, and respond to their advances. Responders can set the pace of a relationship by slowing things down, but there’s no way to speed things up. There’s no way to make someone move faster if they’re not pursuing you for a relationship. You also have veto power.

Embrace the power of the responder by showing up authentically, listening, and redirecting by speaking your mind and making requests.

Embracing Leader Energy

Embracing the role of the leader is done by initiating, moving the relationship forward, declaring your intentions, and adjusting to the requests of the responder. Leaders must risk discovering if the other person is interested in a relationship.

If you’re paying attention to the object of your affection it’ll be easy to trust yourself instead of hesitating and expecting the other person to take the lead.

Leaders must also be flexible. It’s not about imposing your vision; it’s about allowing space to adjust to the responder you find attractive. Rigidity and stubbornness are negative aspects of leader energy. Be open to feedback — this is how the dance of leaders and responders functions in harmony together.

Seek healthy competition to improve and become a superior person. Competition sometimes gets a bad rap, but it’s essential to sharpen skills and grow. Seek the company of positive role models who can hold you accountable and inspire you to do better. Competition builds confidence and self-esteem, helps develop problem-solving skills, discipline, and reduces stress.

Staying in your integrity gives you a foundation to stand on, builds lasting trust with your partner, and guides you when challenges arise. Integrity doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes, but it allows you to take responsibility for them and make amends if necessary.

Leaders need to provide, so it’s important to know what you provide for your partner. Providing for responders brings safety, security, and increases joy. Whether it’s emotional support, financial support, trust, acceptance, or a safe harbor in a chaotic world, knowing what you provide gives you the confidence to wisely choose a life partner.

Confidence allows you to share your vulnerability without fear of being perceived as weak. Compassion, empathy, and acceptance keep the leader in balance and harmony with their life partner.

Date From Your Genuine Energy

In a romantic partnership leaders and responders play off each other like two partners in a dance. Leaders provide a solid foundation and represent the roots and trunk of a tree creating stability and certainty. Responders represent the leaves and flowers dancing in the wind producing joy. Strong leading energy creates a solid foundation for responsive energy to express its creativity.

So how do you create an energetic balance in your relationship? The first step is to decide which energy turns you on. Are you more comfortable being the strong trunk of the tree or do you want to dance in the wind?

Think about the role you wish to fulfill in your relationship and which role you’d like your partner to fulfill. If taking the lead in your relationship leaves you feeling tired, anxious, and wishing the other person would step up, relax into your responsive energy. If you feel energized and confident by driving the relationship forward and discovering how to bring more joy to your partner, embrace leader energy and take risks by declaring your desires.

Leaders and responders are clearly defined through the dating process. Over time with the same partner, each person may move towards the energetic middle and there may be instances where they swap dominant energetics.

Remember, every person has both masculine and feminine energy, a healthy dynamic for long-lasting love requires a natural energetic polarity no matter the labels they’re given.

Reclaiming Masculine And Feminine Energy

Letting go of gender stereotypes and embracing either leader or responder energy gives you the framework to create the dynamic you desire in relationship. Women leaders can partner with male responders and vice versa.

When masculine and feminine energy are in harmony, relationships function better, partners can understand each other, and love thrives. When these energies are out of balance, then your relationship will suffer, dating will be unfulfilling, and you’ll grow cynical about finding an ideal life partner.

If you’re struggling with dating and relationships and are unsure how to discover your genuine energetic for a relationship, join us for a complimentary Breakthrough Call. We’ll help you understand how the dance of relationship functions and give you a plan for creating the lasting love you desire.