Are you allowing fear of rejection to keep you from showing up authentically or from taking action altogether in your love life? Or do you put your lovability in the hands of a stranger wishing and hoping that someone will choose you?

Fear of rejection may not only be stopping you from searching for love, it’s probably interfering with your relationship strategies too. Fear of rejection can cause you to sabotage any chance you may have to find a life partner. Even worse, you may end up settling into a toxic relationship instead of a healthy one.

You can tame the beast of fear of rejection by turning your worries into strengths and change your fate in love and in life. It may feel like climbing Mt. Everest, but transforming your fears into confidence and resilience isn’t as challenging as you might imagine.

Because your fears and insecurities get in the way of your ability to create an emotional connection, once you have the tools to express yourself authentically you can master your emotional life, cultivate discernment through the dating process, and select an ideal life partner for love to last a lifetime.

It’s normal to feel butterflies when going on a first date, but when your anxiety escalates into paralyzing fear it’s time to address the underlying issue.

Fear Of Rejection Creates A Freeze Response

The most common tactic used when you suffer from the fear of rejection is to talk yourself out of taking any action at all. The fear becomes paralyzing as you imagine the object of your affection turning you down. The mental movie playing over and over in your mind keeps you frozen and unable to act.

The anticipation of the rejection amplifies your fear turning the simple act of talking to a potential date into a life-or-death scenario. You’re putting your lovability into the hands of a stranger, giving them the power to deem you worthy of love. This is never a good strategy for long-lasting love.

Fear Of Rejection Has You Twisting Into A Pretzel

Not everyone freezes when they fear being rejected. Some people turn into chameleons and find themselves twisting into a pretzel trying win over their latest crush. They’re too busy trying to earn love and approval to bother with evaluating if that person is an ideal match for them.

Oftentimes twisting into a pretzel can evolve into a strategy of going along to get along. If this is you, then you’ll have a hard time setting and keeping boundaries. Your fear of rejection causes you to agree with just about anything. Afraid that if you exercise your veto power, you’ll be rejected.

The fear of rejection can also stop you from moving on from a bad relationship. Afraid that if you leave the one person who wants to spend time with you—you’ll be left alone. Or you could settle for crumbs by agreeing to a friends-with-benefits situation when you really want more.

Fear Of Rejection Causes You To Be Overly Critical

If you’re hard on yourself, you’ll also be hard on any partner or prospect. Judgement is the biggest block to love. Let’s face it, if your standards are restrictive to the point that no one measures up to your impossible expectations, you’ll never have to risk your heart.

You can’t be rejected if you’re the one doling out rejection. Continuously finding flaws in everyone you meet might prevent you from feeling bad about yourself, but it won’t bring you the love you crave. Convincing yourself that all the issues that are keeping you single lie with the people you encounter keeps you safe. Sadly, you’re unwilling to admit that deep down you feel unworthy.

Regardless of how the fear of rejection manifests through your behavior, it is possible to overcome it. Exploring the reasons behind your fear of rejection is the next step in your journey to self-acceptance.

Root Causes For Fear Of Rejection

Unconsciously your fear of rejection is tasked with keeping you safe, but with most dating interactions you’re not in any physical danger. The danger you feel is a paper tiger. It may seem scary and threatening, but you won’t suffer any physical harm if your date isn’t interested in you.

Your biggest challenge is an emotional one, and it’s rooted in a subconscious belief about yourself. Maybe you believe you’re not worthy of love or that you’re not good enough (smart enough, attractive enough, or funny enough).

You’re afraid your potential date will notice all your flaws and weaknesses and reject you outright, proving that these limiting beliefs are valid. Anticipating the dismissal, you’ll feel even worse.

Placing too much importance on the outcome of the interaction—as if this person’s approval will finally bestow worthiness upon you. The fear is more about the meaning you’ve assigned to the interaction than on the actual act of asking for a date.

A broken heart can also cause anxiety about rejection, making it difficult to open your heart to someone new. The pain can trigger a fear of being hurt again, making the prospect of being vulnerable overwhelming. You start to second guess your worth and desirability, reliving the hurtful words your ex shared during the breakup.

The scars left by a broken heart can harden, making it challenging to show up authentically, keeping your potential date at arm’s length. The pain of heartbreak keeps you safe, but it also blocks you from finding lasting love with someone new.

How To Overcome Fear Of Rejection?

1. Master Your Inner Dialogue

It’s your inner dialog that’s triggering your fear, so recognizing your negative thoughts and changing them to positive ones builds confidence. The voice that says you’re unworthy, that no one likes you, or that you’re not attractive enough is the source of your anxiety. Removing it altogether so that you speak to yourself like someone you love is the cure.

Start by identifying a specific thought that triggers fear of rejection and turn it into an empowering affirmation. Change “I don’t deserve to be loved,” to “I am worthy of receiving the love I want.” Affirmations aren’t magical incantations that will make someone like you, however, they do help you feel more comfortable with yourself and more confident.

2. Don’t Get Caught Up In Comparisons

You’ll feel worse about yourself when you compare your circumstances to someone who has what you want. Comparison can reinforce your limiting beliefs and destroy your self-esteem.

Instead of constantly noticing how your life doesn’t match up to someone’s ideal portrayal on social media, put blinders on like a horse pulling a carriage. Your only measurement should be whether you are doing better today than you were yesterday. Like when running a marathon, focus on your progress regardless of how someone else’s life appears on the surface.

3. Practice Non-Attachment

Becoming attached too quickly to a specific person increases the fear of rejection. Rushing in and risking your heart too soon decreases your chance of finding long-lasting love. It may seem counter-intuitive, slowing down the dating process speeds up finding the right person for you.

Not being attached to an outcome allows you to be present in the moment. Getting to know someone takes time, and when you imagine a future with someone, your mind has time traveled. You’re no longer collecting data about whether they are a good match for you or not.

Instead of being attached to a specific person, decide that you’ll find an ideal match for the long term.

4. Learn To Speak Your Truth

Going along to get along or twisting into a pretzel to get someone to like you is inauthentic. You’re hiding your true feelings and desires because you’re afraid that you won’t be liked. The best antidote is to practice speaking your truth.

Start by identifying how you actually feel and speaking it out loud to yourself. This acknowledgment of your feelings will begin to validate them. The more confident you are at identifying your feelings, the more you can stretch toward sharing them with others. Your feelings are valid whether someone acknowledges them or agrees with them, and the more you speak your truth the more confident you’ll feel.

5. Step Toward Your Fears, Not Shy Away

Your emotional fears are paper tigers; they won’t actually kill you. Instead of avoiding your emotional fears and therefore protecting yourself from rejection, step into these fearful situations. You may not get what you want, but you’ll begin to learn that rejection isn’t the worst thing that could happen.

You survived the situation; the only bruise you have is on your ego. By stepping toward your emotional fears, you grow stronger and more confident because you realize that what you imagined happening was far worse than what actually happened. Step toward your fears and your confidence will grow.

6. Try Something New With Regularity

Learning new things puts you in the mindset of a beginner. Stepping outside of your comfort zone allows you to grow. You’ll move through a learning curve which builds compassion for self. Plus, you may find that you have new hobbies which are a great way to meet new people.

Talk to strangers and make new friends, go to a social event where you don’t know anyone, give a compliment to that cute person in line at the market. Your fear of rejection will subside when you regularly talk to people you don’t know.

7. Get Clear On What You Want (Not Who)

When you’re too focused on the object of your affection, you give them the power to approve of you or to reject you. Love doesn’t come from a person; it comes from inside of you.

Instead become crystal-clear on the type of relationship you desire and then date to find someone who is in alignment with your vision. When you know what you want (not who), then each rejection becomes a step closer to finding your ideal person.

8. Build A Resilient Heart

Resilience is built by realizing that you can grow from your failures instead of succumbing to them. Asking yourself, “How can I grow or improve so my next relationship is more fulfilling and long-lasting?

When you were a baby, you didn’t just start walking one day. You fell down quite a few times before you figured it out. You didn’t imagine that your failure to walk the first time you tried as a sign that you should never walk. The same is true of rejection.

By accepting disappointment as part of your journey, your heart becomes more resilient. Not everything will go your way in life. You may never become immune to rejection, but you won’t let it stop you in your tracks. You’ll pick yourself up and try again with someone else.

Fear of rejection doesn’t have to be a paralyzing force in your search for lasting love. You have the ability to face your fears, learn from your mistakes, and build resilience on your journey.

If fear of rejection is blocking you from the love you desire and you’re ready to embrace your confidence, join us for a complimentary Breakthrough Call. Isn’t it time for you to overcome your fears so you can have the relationship you desire and deserve?